yamanai ame da neeee

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

my life is in real danger!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:12 AM

Monday, March 22, 2010

i don't like people who don't listen.
it tells me you can't be bothered, you're too busy to talk to me.
its so sad. but so inherent, nothing can be changed.
seriously, personality is so impossible to change.
yes you grow up, you become more sensitive.
but sometimes, i think people didn't actually become genuinely a better person, we just learn to better and more effectively inhibit our undesirable responses.
and with close friends, this inhibition tend to fall away... and it strips us all down to this unchanged person.
ok la, thats too extreme... but hai..

its ironic, i'm doing an essay abt high agreeableness (im high in that man, like so high)
and im typing all these good things abt the trait, but i don't believe it and i don't like the way it sounds. they explain agreeableness as effortful control which means, i supress my own interests in the interest of the group. its not that i DONT think abt myself, i do but i prefer to give it up in order for the group to remain peaceable. its so.... sad.
is it true? i'm not too sure.
i'm well aware of the fact that i don't know myself very well.
and i think most people don't know themselves very well...
i think it must have been the environment i grew up in.. i was so bitter as a child (not in the adult sense, but in the child-like sense haha), i hated the lack of justice in things that are going on around me (and that hasn't changed). i didn't understand alot of things and no one bothered to explain them to me, simply dismissing me as the youngest of the family.
i guess if now, as a more objective grown up, if i could observe my interaction with my family, it won't actually be that bad.. but i clearly remember how neglected i felt when all 5 of us were in the car. or when we went to grocery shopping together. i remember crying abt this in the car, and getting more upset because no one noticed. its makes me sad even to recall that now.
but i couldnt voice it out, it would have been such a ridiculous thing to say because in all senses my family was so... good. we were a good enough family.
so i kept it in. i used to cry alot as a kid.
until now, my parents cannot understand when i try to tell them about fairness.
i guess its not a concept they grew up with.
in the end, no one can be blamed.
wellllllllllll. this made me an agreeable person and according to the essay i just typed i should be damn glad that i am one. looks at all those advantages.

11:36 PM

rumination
Sunday, March 21, 2010

i think studies done on rumination are so interesting.
and i agree with the pro-do-not-ruminate party.
sometimes when we are stressed out, it helps that we are not in tune to our feelings and the fact that you might just break down and die any second. that helps because it prevents the actual event from actually happening. don't you think?
there are times when all the physiological symptoms all start popping out,
pimples errupt
menses come late
insomnia
eyes feel dead
brain feels stuffed up
but if i don't go and analyseee these symptoms, the assignment deadline will be over before the emotional implications of these signs get to me. and before i can feel terrible, its is all past.
just force yourself to sleep at night, then force yourself to get off the bed in the morning, go to school, find yourself a sit and type until you run dry. and it will end. it always ends, why worry about it never ending? why dwell and dread when its going to come anyway?

i agree. rumination is really not a good thing.
and i agree. its so much better to be a guy in that aspect.
because i agree that guys ruminate less.

1:39 PM

Monday, March 15, 2010

i have one episode left to finishing jiu xiang lai zhe ni.
hmmmmmmm. i haven't watched a whole taiwan series since hai tun wan.
ahaha srsly, that was a really long time ago. i remember watching it through the night and sobbing to myself although none of them could act. was just a kid back then, forgive me. hahaha! children do very cute things (like watching a bunch of bad actors and crying for them).

you know, jiu xiang lai zhe ni is a superrr sweet show.
it makes me wanna fall in love~~ hahaha ok la i know its dillusional of me to project the show onto real life. because, who in real life is like ella?
everyone says, 跟她相处久了就一定会爱上她。
please, you go find me a person like that first...
and who in real life is like jerry yennnn. hahaha he is too sweet to her. so aw <3

but i remember, last time, i used to think. ah this guy is quite cute.
but EVERYTIME. i emphasise EVERYTIME...
everytime i happen to get to know the person he stops being goodlooking to me. hahahaha. omg and i'll be thinking, theres something wrong with my shen mei guan is it. because alot of times handsome guys are disappointingly lacking in personality. such a pity.
but of course there are good ones out thereeeeeee. (i shall not generalise!)
makes me think what kind of guys my jap guys are. hahaha..

haiii... lemme think, whats happening in my life now?
i just recovered from major illness that made me miss 2 days of school (woe)
went running today
2 term papers due next friday
rovers bazaar has ended
camp planning is going to start
i got a job at singapore indoor stadium
eunice yining aixin jen ade's bday is coming. (omg thats too many)
its 10, im gg to watch kang xi now. bye.

9:46 PM

weird
Tuesday, March 02, 2010

sometimes when people praise me,
i dont like to disagree and be all abashed abt it.
its not because i agree or that i think i deserve praise.
its just cause i don't want to sound like i'm humble.
weird right? i don't know when i started thinking like that, but i really just dont deny praises that comes my way even though i know they are not true.
and theres such a huge chance things go wrong and you start to sound like you were fishing for it in the first place. hahah. yeah.
(usually i don't but with close friends its different. cause they know me well enough to know i'm not humble :D and that i wasn't fishing for praise :D)

theres just something about humble people that piss me offfffffff.
hahah no, i correct myself.
its not that. i don't like hearing other people say that 'oh A is so humble!'
haha maybe its some kind of complex but yah.

ok im sorry for the yah and yeahs.
theres just this lack of words these days, i dont know whats happening to my english.
its all jap's fault.

11:35 PM